DID JA EVER DIE?

DID JA EVER DIE?

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a post. I had a friend ask me if I had a blog and I said yes I did and realized that I needed to get back to it. It is such a stress reliever while writing and I have missed it.However words would not come to me because of the grief I had after losing my sister Jo. No she was not my biological sister but she was a sister in every sense of the word.

My last writings on here was last year in the month of August. The topic was about Jo and cancer. She was diagnosed July 5th, 2011 with ovarian cancer, stage 3, I believe,  and we thought we had time to beat the horrible disease. So here are the things that took place since then.

Another friend and sister, Patty, had the idea of having a benefit to help raise money to send Jo to the Hoxsey Cancer Clinic in Mexico. I told her I would help her in anyway that I could. She had the knowledge of the food department and I had the knowledge of the coordination. We went to work with our lists and then went to work calling. We called friends, neighbors and  businesses about the donation of food, such as the chicken, beans, rice, desserts and a place to hold the benefit. Patty was wonderful when it came to the menu for the benefit and getting the plates, silverware and volunteers.

I called my cousin who heads the Relay For Life and she donated the tea, ice and cups along with a table of brochures, literature and pamphlets on the subject of cancer. She also volunteered her children who were such a big help.

I did what I could by going to the store (Jo owned the Nueces Natural Foods store) and helping Patty, which I don’t think I really did that much. Most of my help came from designing and printing the fliers and tickets.Contacting the Television Stations, Radio Stations, blogs, emails, Stores, Facebook, Presidents of Banks and I called in a lot of favors owed to me. I haven’t worked in a really long time due to my disability. Most of my work was from my bed but I did what I could. I have to give Patty and her husband a really big Thank You because they stayed up the night before BBQing for the benefit, and then serving the next day.A big Thank You also goes out to all those who donated and volunteered. I ran around like a chicken with it’s head chopped off trying to make sure everything and everyone was taken care of. You see it was the hottest day ever (that’s what I was told) here in Uvalde, Texas. 114 degrees and we were situated in the parking lot of our local Walmart.

We had a band by the name of Chingos De Gringos who volunteered 4 hours of their time and they drove a distance of over 50 miles from a town named Barksdale to help us that day. They are a country and western band and they had people coming by to see what was going on. We raised over $2,800.00 that day and I believe it was their wonderful music that brought it to that amount.

After the benefit was over and a little time passed by we found out that the chemo was not helping and Jo was getting sicker. She was to sick to travel to the Hoxsey Clinic so we got the tonic to her. It was helping her but it was to late. Jo passed away on the 14th of December. I died that day also at least that’s what it felt like.

I find myself picking up the phone and dialing her number. I hold my breath when I see her ever so often in a store or on the street. Of course its not her its just something about that person that reminds me of her. There are so many things that bring her to the forefront of my mind and I miss her so very much.

Yes a piece of me died that day but I am slowly coming out of the grief. I have something that keeps me going and that is the promise that Jehovah made to us. That promise can be found in John 5: 28, 29 where  it is written: Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out, those who did good things to a resurrection of life, those who practiced vile things to a resurrection of judgement.

So I have a chance of seeing my beloved Jo and my other loved ones. You too can have that chance.

DID JA EVER DIE?

LOVE, HUGS AND KISSES

PATTI

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DIDJA EVER SEE?

                               DIDJA EVER SEE?

Take a look around you and think of the things you see.

Are they important to you? Are they semi-important? Are they very important? Or are they just an object that is either standing there, lying there or just hanging there?

Is it a person? People?

Is it an animal? Pet?

Is it a place? Places?

Is it a home? Building?

Is it a plant? Plants or trees?

Did you really look at it? Take another look and then ask yourself the question’s again. This time think hard about the answer, and then ask yourself this question: “Can I live without it or them?

I had my feelings hurt yesterday by my husband. We are in such a pickle with all the things, stuff, garbage and left overs from the closing of our Thrift Store and deaths in the family. Trying to sort out what to keep, throw away, give to the kids and of course donate. Our home does not feel like one, it feels like a house of different strokes. Nothing fits because the house is to small (924 sq.ft.) and so many windows and doors, that you can’t put anything anywhere because  it would block them.

In the process of trying to make things fit in I made the remark “I can see your  getting mad” and that just set my husband off to say “That’s it, all moving has come to an end.” Well I’m sorry to say that here it is again, another weekend of not getting anything done. Everything seems to set him off easily nowadays.

Here it is the next day and I think we have said about 10 words to each other. And thus the reason for my questions. Didja ever see?????

Yes, I tell myself, I do see, I see a lot. Ok, get the hanky’s or tissue paper because, yeah you guessed it a pity party. I see him as a party pooper. Maybe not that we were having a party but he did call it to an end to soon. I see him as a lazy person on the weekends. Nothing gets done. I see him as a hard worker at his job. Well why can’t he be one here too? He talks a big talk about anything and everything? Well why can’t he apply that to this situation? If only I could see his brains and rewire him. I could go on forever and then I realize that no I can’t, I may never have forever. We are all humans and we all have our faults. Yes, including me.

I need to open my eyes and reach deep down inside myself and try to find a way to help this situation.

What will it take for others to open their eyes? I don’t have an answer for that but I can help by saying that the scripture which helps me is Ps.31:7. I will be joyful and rejoice in your loving-kindness, in that you have seen my affliction; you have known about the distresses of my soul.

I will put my problem in Jehovah’s hands and let him guide me to do what is right . I trust in him to give me the right words to say to my husband and to also let him show me the way to solve this problem that we have in our home life… But most of all I give myself to him to lead me in the right direction for everlasting life.

DIDJA EVER SEE?

Love,Hugs and Kisses,

Patti

DIDJA EVER HAVE CANCER?

This is my friend, sister, comrade, partner in crime, an all around person who is in my life and I want it to stay that way for a very long time.

Just recently she became aware that something was wrong and finally decided it was time to go see the doctor. Of course no one was thinking cancer. And be honest with yourself that is something that does not cross your mind all the time.

But it is also something that pokes you once in awhile and says here I am, here I am and you push it aside. But it’s ugly head pops up and says in an even louder tone “Here I Am,Here I Am”, and you are suddenly moved to the realization that yes there it is.

Some panic at the first mention of it, some sit and cry, some get mad and deny it, some go into a corner and just sit while others just give up. But others take it by the horns and say I am not letting you win this one.

But did you know that the one with the cancer is not the only one with it? That’s right every one that is in that person’s life has the nasty deadly disease. Think about it. You and everyone around it has been touched by it in some sense. You may not be the one that actually has the cancer but you are affected by it.

All the emotions, feelings and thoughts go through you just like them. You hurt, cry, scream, hide, hit, laugh, deny, feel, see and touch just as if the cancer was in you. You want to shave your head to make them feel better and help them with that time in life when their hair is gone. You laugh with them about the different type of wigs you can wear or even the chemo caps or scarfs that can be worn. Then the day that it really becomes a reality, they tell you that they don’t want you to lose your hair and that sometimes makes you feel relief. A guilty relief but still that feeling is there.

You go through the really rough chemo treatments with them and watch as they get sick from it. Do you remember the feelings, thoughts, and emotions that you were experiencing?

Do you remember them (your emotions) when you went through the radiation treatments? The rough days and nights when you couldn’t help them because there was nothing that you could do to help? You were absolutely helpless.

Do you recall the times when you cried and wouldn’t let them see you because you didn’t want to show them that you were also going through it with them?

Don’t feel that you are alone. There are a lot of people who have gone through it and there are still those who are now going through it  and then there will be the ones to still have to go through it.

I threw myself into a project to help her get to the Hoxsey Cancer Clinic. My other friend and I are having a Benefit Plate, Bake Sale, Raffle and Karaoke event that is coming up August 27th, 2011. Yes, I will be singing my heart out to a bunch of people that I don’t know, but that is one thing that I love to do-sing, and if that is what helps me with this cancer then so be it. But there is one other thing that helps.

Yes cancer is a disease that  touches all of us in one aspect or another, but please realize that you are not alone. Talk to your someone that has cancer and let them know what your are experiencing. It will help them as much as it will help you. Turn to your bible and read Revelations 21:4 where it says “And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away”.

Yes we all have a cancer of some type or another, but we have his promise of these things passing away forever. All we have to do is put our trust in Jehovah.

DIDJA EVER HAVE CANCER?

Love, Hugs and Kisses,

Patti

DID JA EVER JUST LISTEN TO YOUR HEART?

DID JA EVER JUST LISTEN TO YOUR HEART?

Sometimes we all seem to just throw caution to the wind and sometimes we put one foot out but slowly draw it back.

We even take a couple of steps and then hesitate because we don’t have that confidence that we need. There’s no one behind us to give that little push that carry’s us through with what needs to be done.

Have you ever listened to your heart and really just jumped?

My husband and I did this past Friday. We bought a truck! It may not be something big for some of you, but it was really big for us. We have not committed to something this big since the house and that is almost paid off.

A newer vehicle is something that was desperately needed. All our vehicles are 1993 or older. Yeah even a 1976. None with air conditioning and living in the big state of Texas that is a must. Our cars and trucks run because my honey is a good mechanic however the ac’s don’t last forever.

I saw an ad on the telly about $89.00 down and $89.00 a month and thought that is something that he might go for. So I discussed it with him and he said lets go check it out.

We get up early on his day off and head for the big city of SA. All the emotions that a person could have, we had. And then, there we are sitting in front of the car dealer.I am so glad that we had called and made an appointment ahead of time, the sales person that I had talked to was waiting in the front and we did not have to go look for him. By calling ahead this gave us time to check out what he thought we might like and not feel like we have to be in a hurry to get finished so he could go on to the next sales.

After looking at a car and driving it, I wanted to look at something else. In the process the discussion came around to trucks. Which I absolutely love. I told the sales person that a truck is what I really wanted and to our surprise there were several that were available in the price range that we were looking at.

An employee had traded his truck in and while we were waiting for the particulars on it another salesman suggested looking at the extended cab that was thought to have already been sold but the deal fell thru.  So that is what we did. We never looked back. Test driving it, it became clear that it was exactly what we wanted.

The price was higher than what we wanted to pay but the truck had so many good things about it that we just threw caution to the wind. I had prayed to Jehovah several times that if it be his will it would all fall into place.

One thing that we asked for was new tires and to our surprise we got them. Not only that but we got the truck for $2,000.00 less, insurance on parts and labor and so much more with payments that were very affordable and they did a fantastic job of making sure we were comfortable thru the whole process.

Yes we not only listened to our hearts but we also let Jehovah guide our hearts in the right direction.

DID JA EVER JUST LISTEN TO YOUR HEART?

Love, Hugs and Kisses

Patti

DID JA EVER FEEL LIKE——–

DID JA EVER FEEL LIKE———-

Sometimes that is the way I feel. You can’t really put your finger on it, but the feeling is there. Just hanging, suspended without a lifeline or even a mat to soften the fall. Floating in air and not really knowing which way to go?

Or maybe you know where your going but have no idea how it will end? Maybe you just don’t care. Maybe you haven’t really thought about it. Maybe you had no thought at all.

Am I really a floating nobody? Has my life literally ended up being nothing? No substanance to speak of?

My children are no longer close to home. I don’t talk to them that often. It’s been years since I’ve seen my grandchildren. My husband works till bedtime. We’ve never had a honeymoon or a vacation in the 12 years of marriage. My phone rings maybe 15 times in a week (only because my husband calls to let me know he’s coming home for lunch and home after getting off work), and then  sometimes I don’t even get that many.

I am in my bedroom where the air conditioner is and just about bedridden because I can hardly walk because of my back. Did I ever imagine this life for me? No, I tell myself, I am still alive and breathing, just lonely. A person with no purpose in life. All my dreams have vanished there are no more.

Yes I can dream up more but in all reality they will never come true, so why waste the energy? I tried to help a friend with their home based business but without a lot of money that websites want, couldn’t get very far with that. So another failure.

Another friend has a vitamin store, she’s been in business for almost 20 years and she’s having financial problems. There’s no way I can help either one of them unless it is on the computer and still there is no way on that, again it takes money that none of us have. So without that I get an occasional phone call asking about maybe having a meal together, but then again my husband is working until 10 o’clock at night, so I politely say no we can’t make it.

So there lies the truth about my problem. Everyone is so involved in their own problems that we don’t have time for one another. Yeah sure we can say “I love you” ” I’ve been thinking about you”, but when it comes right down to it they are just empty words. When you hang up the phone those words do not have anything in them, you go right back to the same routine and in just a few seconds your mind is back on the problem at hand. Don’t take me wrong, I’m not looking at killing myself, I’m just having a feel sorry for myself party. No one put me in this, it’s just life in a world where there is such a less meaning for life.

There is however a chance for that life to be changed look to your bible and read this scripture. John 14:6. I am the way and the truth and the life.

DID JA EVER FEEL LIKE——–

LOVE, HUGS AND KISSES

PATTI

DID JA EVER HEAR

DID JA EVER HEAR?

DID JA EVER LISTEN?

DID JA EVER NOTICE?

DID JA EVER LOOK?

DID JA EVER PAY ATTENTION?

My husband and I went to the city park a few days ago maybe it was a week at this point I can’t honestly say, but while we were sitting there I noticed this faucet and the birds landing on it and taking a drink.

But what really caught my attention was the fact that each one of the birds, before getting on top of the faucet, would look around, cock its head and listen.Then, when it was safe it would proceed to get on top and take a drink.When another bird approached it would either stay where it was because the other bird was the same type or it would fly a distance away being that the other bird was bigger or the type that was pushy and wouldn’t wait for its turn.

Doesn’t it make you think of how things were of a time long ago?

We were all taught to stop, look and listen, but do we honestly do that today?

There is so much happening in this world today. Have you taken the time to HEAR, LISTEN, NOTICE, LOOK AND PAY ATTENTION?

                     DID JA EVER?

……..LOVE, HUGS, AND KISSES……..